The Struggle of Surrender.

A friend suggested to me recently that I don’t like change. I refuted the idea but then wondered afterward if that really is the case. I like my routine comforts, and being home…. I enjoy baking and relaxing in my living room, my music, and my pyjamas…. But I don’t mind change as long as it is what I want and I have some degree of choice or control…. And these days, I can’t be too bothered with stuff. I confess; I have a fairly strong will!

My heart posture toward God is often the same, I will just come so close, and on my terms… Lord bless me where I am at but please don’t ask too much of me! The times in my life where I have see God break in have often been the more difficult times – after the death of a parent for instance, and when my life seemed a bit precarious. I am open then!! But these days, it seems harder to get up early and to help lead a zoom prayer meeting on a Saturday morning. It just seems like too much hard work and I spend too much time watching other people in little boxes on the screen. Maybe I could opt out for a while???

Surrender. May your will be done…. Where is my heart at? Lord, forgive me. Sacrifice is a powerful thing. We just need to look at the cross.

Prov 28:14 Blessed is the one who always trembles before God, but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble. (NIV)

So it seems like I don’t have much of a choice. But to surrender my stubborn heart – which is, by the way, a powerful thing to do! It will bring me into alignment with the ways of heaven, into a place of deeper rest and identity in God, and it brings delight to the father and blessings my way.

I was listening to a worship set the other day and just the phrase, ‘the struggle of surrender’ came to my mind. I believe it is in this place we find updates (if you like). There is new revelation and an invitation to step into the greater measure of the things of God. Don’t ignore the struggle. Face it and surrender the best way you can. God is good. His ways are so much better than ours. I need to believe that.

Matt 16: 21, 24 - 27

From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.... .....Then Jesus said to his disciples,“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?  For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

Peter (in vv 22 and 23) had trouble with Jesus' words here, and just like Peter, I want the happy fairy-tale ending; to live happily ever after, to be comfortable and to live on my own terms. Or at least a lot of the time, that is what I think I want. Sometimes God's promises and plans don't look at all like what I would expect them to, and the road ahead can seem long and rough and rocky. But somewhere in the midst of all that, I want to live for what is real. I, truly in my heart of hearts, want to see what God is capable of in my life - in that place of surrender, of laying down my life, giving him what I can and stepping out of my comfort zone. And I kind of think he smiles, and likes to meet us in these places! And I honestly think He loves having us ask and seek and test him just a little in this place or a surrendered heart, self sacrifice and pure motives. And He doesn't disappoint. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.